LITERARY QUOTES.: westhomehandyman

The things we know best are the things we haven't been taught.
- Marquis de Vauvenargues
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
- Marquis de la Grange
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
- Edgard Varese
Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
  - Leo Rosten
The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block.
  - Inigo DeLeon
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
  - Dr. Seuss
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
  - William G. McAdoo
We're not lost. We're locationally challenged.
  - John M. Ford
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
  - Ambrose Bierce
People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.
  - AJ Liebling
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
  - Albert Schweitzer
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
  - Rodney Dangerfield
A neurosis is a secret that you don't know you are keeping.
  - Kenneth Tynan
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.
  - Dudley Moore
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
  - Tommy Cooper
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
  - Jeff Marder
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
  - Oscar Wilde
Virtue is its own punishment.
  - Aneurin Bevan
If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.
  - Ludwig Wittgenstein
Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
  - James M. Barrie
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
  - Johnny Carson
Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months.
  - Bill Tammeus
Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself.
  - Peter da Silva
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
  - George Burns
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
  - Dwight D. Eisenhower
No wise man ever wished to be younger.
  - Jonathan Swift
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
  - Wendell Johnson
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.
  - John Kenneth Galbraith
Never have children, only grandchildren.
  - Gore Vidal
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
  - Kin Hubbard
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
  - George Carlin
Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.
  - William Feather
When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.
  - William Wrigley Jr.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is.
  - Chuck Reid
A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance.
  - Anatole France
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
  - Jules Renard
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
  - Henry Kissinger
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?
  - Clarence Darrow
Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.
  - Soren Kierkegaard
We think in generalities, but we live in detail.
  - Alfred North Whitehead
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
  - Theodore Roosevelt
Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.
  - Jonathan Winters
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
  - Woody Allen
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
  - Oscar Wilde
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
  - Abraham Lincoln
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
  - Mary Wilson Little
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
  - Phyllis Diller
The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
  - Henry Stimson
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
  - Mae West
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
  - Isaac Asimov
Books to the ceiling,/ Books to the sky,/ My pile of books is a mile high./ How I love them! How I need them!/ I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.
  - Arnold Lobel
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
  - Robert Frost
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
  - Charles McCabe
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
  - Tallulah Bankhead
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
  - Mark Twain
A life of pleasure makes even the strongest mind frivolous at last.
  - Edward Bulwer-Lytton
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
  - Sacha Guitry
Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  - Unknown
Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
  - Paul Gauguin
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
  - Rita Rudner
I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
  - Garry Shandling
Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.
  - AJ Liebling
He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike.
  - William Shakespeare
I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
  - Bruce Grocott
Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.
  - Unknown
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
  - Fred Allen
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.
  - Dr. Seuss
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  - Mark Twain
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
  - Socrates
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
  - Franklin P. Jones
Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.
  - Otto von Bismarck
Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
- Harper's Index
Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.
  - Mickey Friedman
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
  - Leo J. Burke
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
  - Ronnie Shakes
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.
  - Peter Drucker
In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.
  - Dwight D. Eisenhower
The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young.
  - Willa Cather
I am not young enough to know everything.
  - Oscar Wilde
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
  - Sir Winston Churchill
Politics is applesauce.
  - Will Rogers
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
  - Paul Valery
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.
  - Lane Olinghouse
My Karma ran over your dogma.
  - Unknown
Do I contradict myself?/ Very well then I contradict myself,/ (I am large, I contain multitudes.)
  - Walt Whitman
You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.
  - Stanislaw J. Lec
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.
  - Nick Diamos
The desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature which distinguishes man from animals.
  - Sir William Osler
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
  - Albert Einstein
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
  - Soren Kierkegaard
Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
  - Evan Davis
Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
  - Quentin Crisp
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
  - Orson Welles